The People's Democratic Republic of Birmingham

We in the glorious Peoples Democratic Republic of Birmingham are capable of the most elementary maths and basic common sense…. which is why we decided that nuclear power was a bad idea, even when it was proposed to be used to address global warming and the amount of carbon generated by conventional power plants.

Firstly the accounting methods used to establish it’s costs were all false as they failed to take into account the massive government subsidies required to build the plants and even more shockingly failed utterly to take into account the costs of deommisioning the plants and then keeping the resulting waste safe the the many thousands of years it would need.

We sat down and did the sums and realised that if you spent the equal sum that it would take to build a single nuclear power plant and instead spent it on renewables then you would not only get enough power but avoid having radioactive waste sitting around just waiting to leak, or be stolen and converted into dirty bombs.

So: what we did is this:
– passed a law that stated that literally NO roof was allowed to be built that was not either a solar roof or at the very least a “green” roof consisting of soil and grass. In the first 3 years of this we paid for these roofs at the rate of 90% of their cost; in the next three years at the rate of 60% and then a final three years at 30%. Guess what? – the costs of installing solar panels fell massively and we got a hugely skilled workforce in their installation and maintenance – and also suddenly between 20 and 30% of all energy was generated right where it was needed! Of course solar power is hugely fickle so we needed to have more than one way of generating power….
– we installed small vertical wind turbines alongside every two lane and three lane motorway: the traffic along them continuously generates wind which we turn into power: during the day these deliver power straight into the grid: at night these generate power for the roadside lights AND power the grid.
– we installed a few very large wind farms in the stratosphere: these provide continual and predicatable windpower
– we powered vehicles with electricity generated from green sources and with bio-fuels.

As a result for the total, real lifetime cost of a SINGLE nuclear power station we are totally powered by green energy. We are almost at the point of being 100% carbon neutal – AND we do not have to store radioactive nuclear waste for over twenty thousand years.

If there were not so many people around then there would be a lot less problems in the world…

Think about it – there would be less competition for scarce resources – so we would not need to go to war to – I don’t know, picking a random example – secure our oil supply.

Less people would result in less pollution and less waste; less energy consumption and less green house gases.

Now I am in now way going to advocate that the human race is in some way unnatural and less deserving of living on this planet than other animals. No what I am going to propose is that we add some small disincentives to having more kids per family than are needed for replacing the parents.

Basically, in the Republic if you have two kids nothing happens: when you have your third you are charged an extra 1% on income tax until the kid is 18; when the kid is 18 they are an adult and the parents extra drain on resources can be stopped charging for and the kid is not penalised in any way.

The extra 1% on income tax is to pay for all of the extra society resources that the child will use up, and to act as a slight pause for thought for parents. Both parents pay the extra tax too.

The fourth kid earns an extra 1% too and so on. So – we are NOT talking forced abortions – but we are saying that the people responsible for creating this extra drain on society help pay for it.

If stopping global warming is going to take 10% of your profits for the next year, or 20% of your whole turnover – then SO WHAT?! The plain fact is that you CAN live without making that much profit, but you CANNOT live without enough oxygen to breathe – or without the seas rising by 50 feet – or without a hurricane the strength of Katrina every year….

Sorting out the environment is totally, utterly irrevocably more important than making money. We need to make enough money to live – but on this issue, frankly I would rather be bankrupt and still alive than rich and dead and buried on a planet wracked by environmental catastrophe.

This is why the chairman implemented the following measures:
– ALL buildings built in the republic have solar panels as roofs – and any walls possible are to be covered by solar panels; especially considering the new transparent solar panels that can be used as windows. The cost of this is paid for by the Republic.
– Every building also has wind turbines built in; for taller, city centre buildings these are housed between floors with the wind entering via slats in the walls and being funnelled to internal turbines: in smaller buildings this will be via small, quiet roof mounted turbines
– All buildings will also take in all rainwater that falls on them and use it for flushing toilets
– All buildings will re-use their “grey” water – meaning any waste coming from the sink or showers or baths or washing machines is used to flush the toilet
– All buildings will use energy efficient lighting and sensors in rooms that automatically turn off the lighting if there is no one in them.

These measures alone will cut power consumption by over 50% and water consumption by 40%. The republic will also invest 10% of GDP annually in wind farms, solar power plants, tidal energy and water conservation.

And finally, let’s not forget the cause of all of these problems: population pressure… the chairman will deal with this issue in a later rant…

No justice system is perfect… but a system that kills people is more imperfect than any other. A system of justice that kills people is arrogant beyond belief: it tells the population that we are so overwhelmingly arrogant that we never make mistakes that we are willing to take utterly irrevocable action and kill people we think deserve it.

Such a system ignores the merest possibility that people are fallible – we all make mistakes! Also evidence can be just wrong, and people can be convicted of crimes they did not commit: and with the death penalty that means they will be killed by the state even when they are innocent.

So: the only people allowed to campaign in favour of the death penalty are those that have signed a legally binding form that states they are willing to be killed by mistake for a crime they did not commit… So: anyone you meet who is in favour of capital punishment ask them this question: “Would YOU be willing to be executed by mistake?” If not then they are hypocrites who are unwilling to face the consequences of their actions and they really have not thought out the implications of what capital punishment means.

It might be a sad thing to say, but people have literally died to ensure we have the right to choose who governs us. The fact that politicians now bore us and the political process is deathly dull should not be allowed to turn off the younger generation from voting.

This is why in the Republic voting is compulsory. If you do not vote you are fined one day of time, which is repaid as community service to the State where we see fit.

However – because we have made voting compulsory we have also made sure that there is some form of compensation: you can vote for “none of the above” if none of the candidates are to your liking. If none of the above is the winner of the election then it is held again… if none of the above wins again then the election must be held again with different parties. Let’s really give voters what they want!

Oh and by the way – standing for office in a democracy is a privilege as well as a right: in the Republic you will need to sign a declaration that you subscribe to certain basic principles such as an utter commitment to anti-racism. If you violate these principles in any way whilst in office you will be thrown out. There is no way that anyone with racist, sexist or fascist views of any kind can ever be allowed to hold office: that is what started the Second World War – let’s not do that again.

One of the most profoundly irritating elements of the old style democratic system was it’s inherent short termism. By fundamental definition of the system there was almost no motive or benefit for a politician to plan beyond the next election.

Let me be clear: this was a fault of the system, not each individual politician.

The ONLY redeeming feature of the old system of nobility was that they almost always had to plan for a longer term than an eleected politican, because they would be handing over power eventually to someone they cared deeply about: their own children. This almost guarenteed that they saw themselves as temporary stewards of the area not as owners and that it was in their kids interest to hand over the estate in the best possible condition.

(Please note: I am not in any way suggesting that this method of government protected the people in the same way that it provided long term protection for the environment: quite the opposite in fact: it meant that arrogant nobles saw the youth of their estate as another resource to be spent freely in their endless, pointless bickering over territory)

One corolloray of this was of course the implict conservatism and resistance to change that this engendered: if a thing was not done by your father then you would not do it yourself! – this seems to be an innevitable side effect of the system that needs to be acknowledged and planned for.

However, almost no other political system can offer this long term view, this in-built resistance to destroying irreplaceable capital for short term gains.

Therefore the Chairman of the Republic is now actively soliciting suggestions from loyal members of our fair city as to how we can build in the nobility’s long term stewardship of the environment and long-termist outlook with a democratically elected system of government.

Exactly HOW do you make politicians act in the long term interest whilst still retaining the power to throw them out of office at the next election? Please enter the debate and the best suggestion will become the official policy of the Republic!

The Chairman of the Republic has ruled that there shall be no “faith” based schools allowed in the Republic – and most definitely no single faith only schools.

A faith based school is one that takes a single faith as it’s over-riding concern, and makes all other considerations secondary to making sure that the faith is taught.

There are two main problems with this:

1 No subject in school should be influenced by any over-riding faith. Subjects should be taught to the best of the teachers ability without any undue external influence: for example – how can you teach biology and evolution (which are scientific facts) if it it tinged by creationism? (which is an unproven belief?)

2 How the hell can you create a diverse, multicultural society if people are educated in single religion enclaves? How can kids get to know people from other religions if they do not mix with them at school?

In fact if you wanted to create the condtions for self perpetuating bigotry and hatred then by all means allow your children to go to a single faith school.

In the Peoples Democratic Republic of Birmingham not only is racism illegal, but any condition that could contribute to racism continuing is stopped. Therefore single faith schools are totally banned.

We have removed the causes of racism by the simple expedient of making damn sure that kids of ALL races and creeds mix together from birth. How can anyone be racist when they have a deep knowledge of all other faiths and cultures?

Hatred is bred where ignorance lurks. Kill ignorance and kill hatred.

And do NOT get me started on single sex schools!

The Royal Family of the country formerly known as England was removed from power and office as the very first act of the Chairman of the Peoples Democratic Republic.

The continued existence of the Royal Family was felt to be contributing towards an atmosphere of deference and mindless obedience to authority. Besides which, the thought of anyone having un-elected, hereditary power is totally alien to the fundamental beliefs of the Republic.

How can anyone set out to improve themselves and rise as high as possible through their own sheer hard work when the highest position of power in the state is held as an accident of birth? How can anyone be ambitious when the ultimate position is one they can never achieve?

And how dare anyone wield power over our lives who was not elected and for which there is no way at all to rein in their excesses?

This is not to say that the members of the ex-Royal family are not in themselves decent people: they are. What we have a problem with is the institution of royalty itself – not the current incumbents.

The old royal family accepted retirement with good grace, and launched one of the most successful second hand car sales chains in the history of the Republic: good luck to them from the Chairman!

Many members of the Central Committee of the Peoples Republic have urged the Chairman to implement ID Cards for the population, arguing that it is a good way to combat ID theft, terrorism, fraud, illegal immigration and any number of other real and imagined problems.

The Chairman has made a ruling today on the subject of ID cards:
The Peoples Democratic Republic of Birmingham will NEVER implement ID cards for one simple reason: no government EVER should be trusted with that amount of information and control.

Can you imagine how infinitely worse the Holocaust would have been had the Nazi’s had the kind of ID cards proposed today?

And do you trust EVERY government from now on to be responsible and just in it’s use of this data? – do you honestly believe there will NEVER be a totalitarian regime come to power in this country that will abuse the power ID cards give them?

Is it a serious argument to say that because it has never happened before it will never happen in the future? – that is like a 17 year old girl not using contraception because she has never got pregnant before!

Every patriotic citizen of the Republic is in fact commanded to join the campaign against these cards: do NOT let your government get these powers!: www.no2id.net

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